Well right now I'm kinda feeling like I'm in a blah type of mood... I feel lonely, wish I had someone to be with and hang around with, preferably a guy, since I'm also freezing cold at the moment too. I donno if school just drained me or if seeing everyone being all cute and holding hands with their significant other, or seeing all the girls in my nursing classes who got married over the break come back all happy and on cloud 9 since their now married. I donno what did it to me today, but it stinks.
So I think this post is mainly just gonna be a venting session, and me just writing down my thoughts to hopefully help me feel a little less blah.
I'm feeling kinda just like life is leaving me behind in some ways. I feel like I'm a little evil Hell child even though I know I'm really not. I feel worthless, even though I'm not. I miss Steve alot at the moment, and really wish I could just talk to him, but I can't, turns out that with the crops his family grows on the farm, winter time is one of the busier times of year for them. Sad day.... just talking to him for like 5 mins would tie me over and I'd be good. I also want just a really good cuddle/snuggle session maybe with a little bit of kissing in it to, but I'd just be happy to get the cuddling. What's holding me back? Well it's just the fact that I'm kinda picky about who I snuggle, cuddle and kiss with. I kinda only really want snuggle and kiss Steve right now, Dusty would be fine to, and Wyatt would be good as well, but Steve is just kinda who I want, I just kinda am missing him alot I guess.
I'm also feeling kinda overwhelmed with school to, and today was the first day back. Oh joy! I have a 20 pg research paper that's going to be due begginning of February, 12 hour shifts at the hospital that are at night 2 times a week and I'll have to go strait from the hospital to school and stay at school till 5:00 so that'll mean being up for over 48 hrs at a time, aren't I so lucky! I'm overwhelmed and worried about not getting a job I want for when school get's out, when I really shouldn't have that hard of a time. I don't know if I should start the bachelors program in April or if I should take a break, find a jobs and work for 4 months and then start in September on my Bachelors.
I'm starting to feel like I'm just settling for things with Dusty again. I don't know if it's because he says he's 99.9% sure things between us are going to work out and we'll get married without a doubt, and it just makes me feel like well I guess if your so sure, then maybe I'm just missing something and am completely wrong with how I'm feeling about things. I just feel like I'm settling though, he's my safe/forsure option, where with Steve I'm taking a chance but it's what I want and I feel happier and like I'll have more of a life with him. I'd appreciate anyone's opinions or words of wisdom with that whole situation if you would be kind enough to offer it.
Well I think that's gonna be enough of my random thoughts for now, my brain feels like it's just shutting down for the night. But I'd love anyones comments, whatever they may be. Later gators!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I know how you feel. :( Sorry. It sucks, but we've just gotta pull through I guess. With the boy situation, my only advice would just be to pray about it. I mean, really try and listen. Perhaps fast? I hear those things a lot, so I'm assuming they work fairly well. Lol. Just stay strong. You'll get your answer if you're asking for it.
ReplyDelete"Jade"
ReplyDeleteI love you girly. You sound like me. Always so confused on the whole boy situation. You might think "well you took your answer, prayed about it, obeyed it, and he Dear Janed you." But you know who I am. You know a lot more about me then I think you think you do. (say that 3 times fast) but truthfully, I was blessed for obeying. I couldn't ask for anything different right now. I know you're strong and will do the right thing in the end. I don't doubt any of that truthfully. I think that hitting your knees, and fasting will truthfully help. I'm even thinking about fasting for you because I know when I was in a situation like this, I wish someone would have offered to fast for me. :] You'll make it through this. I promise. Just come visit me, things will get better haha.
I think I said "truthfully" one too many times haha.
ReplyDelete